I confess...

I broke my "no weigh in until seeing the surgeon" plan. I was REALLY nervous I gained weight. I think between not weighing in and starting to have more food freedom I freaked myself out. So I did weigh in, I lasted about two weeks. But, the great news is... I didn't gain any weight! whoohoo! I was really nervous!

But, this little trial taught me that the scale is OK! It's doesn't need to be an every day thing. But, I can use it as I need to stay on track!

I think my body is comfortable at being 168-169 pounds. While I really want to be at goal I think I may be done trying to actively lose weight. I need to talk to my surgeon of course. But, my fear is that if I lose the other 18 pounds I need to, and then pursue reconstruction later to remove the excess skin I will look TOO skinny. Especially because I've read peoples posts about how their surgeon removed so many pounds of skin. 

It's just a waiting game until I talk with Dr. You! 

Excitement!

After losing about 50 pounds my wedding set began to feel loose. Eventually they got so big that I moved them to my middle finger, then my index finger. And, now they're even too big for my thumb. I have met with a few jewelers to discuss my options in regards to sizing. I can't remember if if I mentioned it or not but I have two wedding sets. I have the original set Phil proposed to me with and that I wore for the first few years of our marrriage. And, another set I got after things started looking up from his cancer diagnosis. It was to celebrate our new cancer free life. Well, I love them both. But I really love the second set. Unfortunately it is a channel setting and apparently they're difficult to size much. They're a 9 and I need a 6. So if I tried to have them sized the stones could easily fall out and since I do not have a job that would stand up to that I just didn't feel it was worth it. However, I remembered about my original set and decided we could see if that one could be resized. I took it to a place at the local mall and the guy quoted me at 200 dollars. I was going to just do it so I could have a ring. But, by the time I went back to him it was too late to have it done the same day. So I'd have to leave them over night. No thank you!

The next day I decided to try just one more place.. I went looking for the place my Mom's fiancee uses. But, I couldn't find it! Apparently they no longer have a shop at the mall like they used to. But, I was able to find another jeweler there who only quoted me 95 dollars! HE instantly made me feel at ease because he took out his little scope thing and examined my rings. Something the others have not done! And, he was honest and said he knew the engagement ring would be fine thru the sizing but the wedding bands stones may fall out. But, he would take all the stones out, resize it and reset them. Needless to say I agreed! I felt comfortable with him. And, it only took a few hours. 

When I got them back they fit PERFECT. And, they were all shiny! =) SO glad I can have them again!

Update!!

Alright so this morning I weighed in like I planned. I wasn't very happy with the number. But, I can say that I did not lose OR gain the week of Thanksgiving. Never in a million years did I think I could say that!

But, it appears my body feels comfortable right now at 168. I'm just going to enjoy it!

The scale is put away now and I will not weigh in again until I meet with Dr. You for my one year check up! In the beginning I thought I would DREAD this plan. However, I really really am excited about it. 

I think that it will be exciting to hear what I weigh after not weighing in for about 3 weeks. But, it will also help push me back into a better mind set. During this journey I because SO attached to that scale. I wouldn't say I'm addicted to it. I think it's been a very appropriate relationship. But, in real life people don't weigh themselves daily. I'm ready to that point! I don't want to let the number on that scale rule my life anymore.

Yes, I want to reach goal. And, I will continue work towards that. But, I'm going to limit my time with the scale.

11 Month Update....

Today I'm officially 11 months out. I swear I don't know where the time has gone. But I'm enjoying my journey to say the very least.

Today, I'm thankful for the Gastric Sleeve. As of today, I am 11 months out. I'm down 149 pounds, and over 70 inches. I've gone from a BMI of 52 down to 28. I've gone from size 24/26 in pants, 3X in tops to a 11/12 and a M in shirts. I knew the day of surgery my life was going to change, but NEVER in a MILLION years did I expect my life to change like THIS! =) I'm forever thankful!

Here's a quick picture!

My mom and I had a baby shower yesterday. And, I was in desperate need of a new pair of jeans. So through my mom's encouragement I went into Dots and tried some clothes on.

Originally I picked a pair of flare legged jeans that were a little dressy. And, when I tried them on the looked HUGE in the bottoms. Like bell bottoms or something. Well, the nice sales associate saw me with them and was like GIRL! With people like us who are SHORT, flare legged pants make us look boxy. So, he was like let me help you! He asked my size and ran off to find the jeans pictured above. HE brought me both a 13/14 and an 11/12. My mom suggested I go a little bigger then normal because she thinks their jeans are cut smaller.

The 13/14's were just TOO big. And, the 11/12's fit perfect on the bottom but up top they're a tad too big. But, such is my life. And, I liked the outfit so BAM!

The sweater is my NEW favorite. The boots aren't comfortable but they're cute so yah! I felt super cute!

stupid stupid stupid!

The closer I get to goal, the more I realize how much the stupid BMI calculator is!

Originally when I met with my surgeon he asked what I wanted my goal to be. And, well I've been over weight for most of my life. So I didn't have an exact number. I just wanted to weigh less than I did. Much, much less. But, my number one goal was to be able to be a Stem cell donor. I originally read that I had to have a healthy BMI. So when I mentioned that to my surgeon he said ok.. then 150 it is!

Now, that I've researched more I've learned that even right now with my actual BMI being read as "overweight" I am still within the weight requirements to become a donor. And, I plan to do it after my one year anniversary of my sleeve. 

But, each time I lose weight I enter it in on the app on my phone called Simple Weight Calculator. It also shows me my BMI and it always makes me think.

Even at my end goal of 150 I will be considered over weight. I'm only 5'5. In order to be considered "healthy" I need to be 147.

Well, you know what?!

I'm a LOT healthier now at 175 pounds then I was at 317. I don't require high blood pressure medicine. I can walk up stairs... or far distances without feeling winded. I can run. I can do things I don't think I've ever been able to do.

So in my book I AM HEALTHY!

I'm no longer going to let the BMI calculator dictate to me what my GOAL needs to be.

177...

Well, it appears 177 is the number of the day.

As of this morning I weight 177 pounds :) 

And, as of right now (well, after I post this!) I will have 177 blog entries! <3 Whoohooo!

Well, I missed weighing myself in yesterday before eating breakfast. So when I weighed right after eating and it said 179 I knew something was up. Because normally after eating I'm at 181... so I honestly thought my scale was playing tricks on me. But, nope. It looks like I finally get to wave a frantic good bye to the 180's... because it I tested it yesterday. Even after eating all my meals the scale did not hover past 179!

SO LONG SUCKAAAAA! :)

To date I've lost 140 pounds. And, only have 27 left until I reach my surgeon's goal of 150 pounds! WHOooHOOO! It feels so REAL now! :)

Pictures...

I honestly thought I had already posted these pictures. But, I guess the blog monster got hungry!

Anyway, as I think I said before recently I submitted my patient story to my hospital. It really isn't much of a right up. It just says my weight before surgery, weight now, type of surgery and a brief (200 words or less) how surgery changed my life. The hospital had taken pictures of me in December to act as my official "BEFORE" picture. And, once I submitted my story the photographer got ahold of me to schedule the after and even sent me the official "BEFORE" photos.

Oh em GEE!

They're crazy. I knew I was big. I did. But, I never realized HOW big.

WOW! I'm so thankful for my surgeon... my surgery.. this life changing experience :)

It's actually funny because I've been big for most of my life. I think I was around 6 when I started to "fill out" so those who have been around me have seen me fore YEARS as an over weight person. But, when I show them THESE pictures they always say "I don't remember you like that"

I think my little brother put it best when he said "To see you now, those pictures from before look like you just have a fat suit on" 

I totally feel like I've spent the last years of my life wearing a fat suit. And, now it's gone.. and I'm able to enjoy my life the way I should! :)

Clothing.

Good News: I can fit into everything that's in my closet. Bad News: Everything is either too big or too small. Nothing seems to fit just how I would like it to. :\ This little dilemma is making things a little rough for choosing an outfit for tomorrow!

It drives me nuts. I just want to look nice for my husband's graduation tomorrow. But, nothing makes me feel 100 percent comfortable. Right now, I'm finding pants are either too big in the waist, but tight in the legs. Or, reversed. Then shirts. Ugh! I had a gorgeous shirt I wanted to wear. The same shirt a month ago, I thought I'd NEVER fit into is actually too big. =/

I'm sure if I wanted to spend the $$ I could of found SOMETHING. But, right now funds are limited AND I couldn't justify spending money on a decent outfit that works for NOW but won't long term.

So now I guess I'll just suck it up and figure SOMETHING out.

I just think that this type of thing is THE hardest part of this journey. At least for me. I feel like over the past few months a lot of events have popped up on me that leave me in limbo.

Butt Cushion!

So I am becoming a VERY slow loser nowadays.

 But, that's to be expected since I only have 29

more to go until reaching goal...

But I have noticed lately that my butt has seriously deflated. 

If I sit somewhere too long it tends to become uncomfortable.

I lost all my butt padding :(

I'm weird..

I've been thinking it and telling my husband it for months. But, I'm now 100 percent sure it's true now.

It appears I ONLY lose weight when I have my time of the month.

No lie. It started yesterday AM I got on the scale and I was down to 180. This morning it says 179. 

Before TOM I was struggling to drop ANYTHING. Even with eating better and exercising.

Rant...

Ok, so here lately I have been running into more people I haven't seen in a while. A good majority of the time they start the conversation with saying how great I look, and complimenting me on my success. Then, it has almost always turned into something like this:

Them: do you want to lose more weight? Or, are you at goal yet?

Me: no, I want to lose about 30 more to meet my surgeons goal. 

Them: you don't look like you have that much left to lose. 

Me: I do, if I lose this 30 pounds I will be 150 pounds and have a healthy BMI of 25. 

Them: if you lose that you're going to disappear.

Ok. So, it seems nice I suppose. But, its starting to pluck my nerves. I have sat down with my surgeon numerous times and discussed my goal weight. I have never been skinny so i do not know what 150 pounds will look like on me. However, I do know that I know myself well enough that if I get closer to goal and realize I am looking too skinny I will alter my goal.

And, to clear another thing up... I am eating. And, I do eat often. I am not super strict with my food or am I insane about my work out routine. This surgery has shown me one thing.. this is a lifestyle change. NOT a diet. So I am doing everything I can to be realistic as possible. I get offended when people ask "do you eat" obviously I do. However, I am in control now over food. Eating isn't a past time or a hobby anymore. Its to provide my body with the nutrition and fuel it needs to thrive.

Sorry if this post seems a little more negative than usual. But, its starting to get to me.

This is all a learning process.

I decided that I am no longer going to let these last 33/34 pounds get the best of me. Just going to continue with the habits formed in the last 8.5 months, and let the body kick butt like it has done so far in this journey. =)

Just meaning that I'm not going to beat myself up anymore. I'm going to continue with the new eating habits, and exercise REGULARLY. But, not go CRAZY OVERBOARD.

I had this crazy idea to re do the 5 day pouch test to help re boost my weight loss.

Yesterday I had a rough day, but finished day one. Today, I was miserable. So I started thinking why am I beating myself up so badly over the last 33 pounds.

I think my follower Mallory said it best with saying You will get to goal! You have lost so much, it is normal to have the loses be smaller as you have less to lose! I always do low-carb if I need a little weight loss jump start. "

I will continue to eat less carbs, and all the other WLS guidelines but I'm done killing myself over this!

My body has SHOWN my in the last 8.5 months that IT CAN and WILL lose weight. But, with less to lose it's going to take longer.

Losing...

I have noticed (oddly enough!) that I'm really ONLY losing when it's my time of the month. I don't know what it is, but for some reason I just start dropping pounds. Normally about five or six. 

I have about 33 more pounds to go until I reach goal. I want to reach it by December 20th 2011. Which is when I will be 1 year post op.

On September 20th I will be  9 months out. I have lost a total of 134 pounds or so. And, I will have to update later on the inches as the current count is not accurate.

My lowest record weight right now is 183. As of this morning I was 185. My surgeon's goal for me is 150.

I'm starting to get nervous that I won't reach goal... I have stopped exercising after my gall bladder surgery because I still have random little pains. But, It's time to return!

I heard way before I had my surgeon that MOST women are sensitive to carbs. I love breads and all that stuff so I just never really listened. However, the week before last I decided to watch my carbs and I noticed something! My little belly "pouch"/muffin top.. whatever you want to call it doesn't stick out as much when I'm not eating a lot of carbs. So maybe I am sensitive. The lady who I Worked with to lose weight before surgery suggested to cut them out, and 24 hours later you should feel less bloated.

Boy, I felt great. I'm also going to cut carbs AGAIN!

I decided!

I go back to work Monday. I'm kind of looking forward to it, kind of not.

Kind of because I'm ready to have some sort of structure back into my life.

Kind of not because my husband keeps our 10 month old niece Monday through Friday while her parents work. And, with the last two weeks off and then all the half days we had during Extended School Year (Summer School, basically!) I have grown rather used to spending my time with two of my most favorite people. Savannah is at such a fun age right now that I don't want to miss anything :( So it makes me sad that I can't be there with them.

But, back to the structure. When I am at work I'm good. I feel good. I have a bed time, a set time to wake up.. and all that not so fun adult stuff. But, IT WORKS!

So I've decided Monday I shall start my work out routine AGAIN. I will start slow because I am still in pain from my surgery. But, I think anything will help at this point!

:) baby steps. but, i have 36 pounds to goal!

Random Update...

I'm going to be 7 months post op on July 20th, 2010. I do not know where in the world the time has went. But, WOW! The changes I've seen in the past 7 months are INCREDIBLE.

I just reached 100 pounds lost since surgery. 125 pounds lost in total.

I set a goal a while back that I wanted to see a size 14 in clothes. 

I can remember being an 18, a 16 but NEVER, EVER a 14. Well, it all started with a dress that I wore for graduation. And, now I'm mostly in all 14's. It still cracks me up that ALL clothes are cut so differently so while I may wear mostly 14's some of my 18's still don't work. WTF? It's lame.

Anyway. 

My grandmother recently bought me some new clothes. 2 new pairs of pants for work, they're a size 12. WHAAAAT? I just can't wrap my brain around that one. While they don't fit right now, comfortably. I know soon enough they will. Which is just mind boggling.

She also bought me about 4 tops. Two I thought were SUPER cute. But, I seen them and thought "OH MY!" They're NEVER, EVER going to fit me. Well, the one did! OH EM G! hah!

The other is just a little small still. Then, she got me these other two that are a little big. But, they're still comfy!:)

Picture Update!

As many of you may know I take my update pictures in 25 pound increments. As of this morning I'm two pounds away from the next update. However, I decided it was nice outside, and I was dressed so take them EARLY!

I'm six months pre op, and down a total of 123 pounds in total! =) YAY!

Anyway, onto the pictures! whoohooooo!

Lack of Updates!

Okay, so it's been a bit since my last REAL update. So here goes...

I've been consistently taking my supplements for almost two weeks now. I've been upping my fluid intake.... which results in me being a PEE machine.. :( Sorry, TMI. But, it's a serious issue for me! I'm always running to the potty! I'm running! I challenged myself to run as much as I could yesterday before I felt like dying. And, I ran .60 mile. What?! A little over HALF a mile? That's incredible. I hope in a little bit of time I'll be able to run a full mile before I'm done!

I've managed to lose two more pounds. I am now 197. Whoohoo! I'm slowly getting away from the 200's. I'm starting to REALLY realize how much weight I've lost. Especially when I weigh in mid day and the scale still reads 199. I'm like WHAT?! Is that real?!

In total I've managed to lose 120 pounds. That leaves me with 47 left to go!

I need to do my inches again soon! :)

Making some changes...

To be completely honest, I have slacked of a lot lately.

I don't want to make excuses as to why. It just happened.

 So, now its time to jump back on and get with it.

Starting Monday my goals are going to change a little.

I'm going to make more small, short term goals and focus on them.

If my plan works out like I hope, it will over all put me closer to my end goal. 

But, for now the smaller goals are more important.

First change... getting my vitamins in.

I am so bad at this. I have slowly been getting better. So maybe this will be the last time I complain how about bad I am with getting them in. Who knows. But, they need to be taken. So, yeah! Daily Goal 1!

Next goal, meet my daily water intake.

 I am not sure I've reached this as often as I should of. I just never feel like I can drink enough and still be able to eat my three meals a day. But, I am going to switch things up and hope for the best. I've reinstalled a water tracking app on my phone in attempt to make it work.

Then, I would like to start pushing myself again. 

When I first got my FitBit I used it as a huge motivation piece. I would push myself to get at least ten thousand steps a day.  Now, I find myself happy with anything. I'm over settling... back to ten thousand steps a day, if possible!

I also plan to restart C25K. I slacked at week 5 and its been down hill since. So, after some thinking my new plan is to restart at the very beginning. I plan to do it on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. This time I am going to make sure nothing gets in my way. I'm going to take pictures after each completion. And then post them to Facebook... that way I can actually see my progress. I think that will help.

Overall, I am not doing horrible. I am losing weight, and hitting milestones that I didn't think I would this early out. But, at the end of the day this is all about a new LIFESTYLE change. I want to push myself into making these changes so that it can more of a habit than something I am making myself do. I started this journey so it could lead me to a healthier life... even after goal. So little by little I am going to get there!

Free Time...

I'm finally on break for work! Whoohoo!

Well, I won't get TOO excited because I'm only off until July 1st.. and, my mom has already asked me to come into work ONE day to help her with some stuff.

I am planning on using my time wisely and use it to get back in the routine of working out again! I have 49 pounds until I reach goal! whoohoo!

But, for today I was a little bored and played with some photo editing stuff!

I think it's pretty AWESOME! If I do say so myself!

Annoyed...

So I was browsing Yahoo news like I normally do about twice a day. And, I found a video of this lady who lost 300 pounds. Of course as I'm losing weight I find that kind of stuff more interesting so I clicked it to check it out. 

Had I know that it would annoy the crap out of me, I probably wouldn't.

They express in the video how she did it the hard way. The old fashioned way.

Really now? I didn't know there was an EASY way to lose weight?!

I wish I known BEFORE my surgery because maybe I wouldn't of had it.

NOT!

I do not believe surgery is an easy way out AT ALL! And, it annoys me when people either say that or infer it. When I lose weight, it doesn't just magically fall off while I shove my face full of crap. I work hard to choose better foods, to work out more, to over all CHANGE MY LIFE! My sleeve acts as a tool that limits the amount of food I eat. That's all! If I decide to fill it with bad food I still gain weight.

I love how ignorance on a subject makes it ok to shove your ideas in to someone else's face.